PIXELS by PATRICK JEAN. by onemoreprod

Can someone really know you better than yourself?

I need to be single for a while. I have lost myself. I am self conscious of every thing I do. I feel that someone is always watching waiting to criticize my actions. Don't I have the right to go out and find what makes me happy. I've been told I can be happy, but I just don't think I deserve to be so I move on in the world. I am not ready to settle down I know that for sure. I turn 21 on August 21. Will this add to the list of "adult" decisions that have been put on my to do list? I've been told I am not being myself. "That isn't like Cam" "You're not being true to yourself" What do these things mean? How can someone know how I am if I don't know that? This post is depressing. I started writing to clear my head, but now I have just mixed all these ideas up a little more. My ideas are like vacation plans, they tend to never happen in my life. Then: Sit down and talk about your problems with someone and say how you really feel. Now: Text back and forth and use loads of sarcasm so that in order to understand you must crawl out of the cave, you call your bedroom, and meet with the person face to face.

I would like to make a new friend. I miss the process of getting to know someone. I need to get out of my shell and show the world ME! Cameron Dean Moss. I need to work on not being so shy and try not to shutdown when uncomfortable. Embrace the awkwardness. I love talking and being around unique and kind of socially awkward people! I have been setting up the equipment for the school's orientations and I want to be able to just approach someone and say HI! Introduce myself to the people that I find interesting. I applied to be an Orientation Leader, but never got an interview. How do I connect when I am never given the chance?

This blog is really good about motivating me to do what I want to do! Not be pushed around by anything or anyone. Thank you blogger.

Happiness is ...........?

My life has been so clear in the past. A lover's past. I gotta keep telling myself this is what I wanted. You made the decision to do this. Stay positive. It's only been a rough couple of days. Much worse happens to others. I found that out today. This blog is a great thing to have. I can talk and think out things before anyone has time to criticize. Keeps me confident that I am doing what is best for ME. I have been content with my life up until recently. I envy those people who have a path, know what they want. I read a blog today about the metaphor of being a Padowan and learning, growing into a Jedi. Sounds stupid, but it hit really close to my heart. I owe thanks to the person who wrote that blog. It made me realize that my problems are so petty and complaining about them is ridiculous. I am a Padowan on the path to becoming a Jedi. At least I am on the path now. There is hope. Music gives me hope. Taking all my frustrations out on the coated batter skin head of a drum. Petty problems don't mean as much. Almost crying while playing the bridge of a very meaningful song. That fuzzy feeling you get when all the pieces fit together for once in your life. My goals are to get back into a band, practice a lot more, and start singing. What is there to be afraid of anymore? You have gotten to the low, now just let go and you will be free. My brother said something to me that meant a lot. He said, "If it hurts, then it was worth having it." I need to grow in positive ways from what I have learned over the past year and six months. "Life hurts and you cry, and then you die" I want to break out of my shell! I will break out of my shell! I am the only one holding myself back. My life is pretty good.