PIXELS by PATRICK JEAN. by onemoreprod

Can someone really know you better than yourself?

I need to be single for a while. I have lost myself. I am self conscious of every thing I do. I feel that someone is always watching waiting to criticize my actions. Don't I have the right to go out and find what makes me happy. I've been told I can be happy, but I just don't think I deserve to be so I move on in the world. I am not ready to settle down I know that for sure. I turn 21 on August 21. Will this add to the list of "adult" decisions that have been put on my to do list? I've been told I am not being myself. "That isn't like Cam" "You're not being true to yourself" What do these things mean? How can someone know how I am if I don't know that? This post is depressing. I started writing to clear my head, but now I have just mixed all these ideas up a little more. My ideas are like vacation plans, they tend to never happen in my life. Then: Sit down and talk about your problems with someone and say how you really feel. Now: Text back and forth and use loads of sarcasm so that in order to understand you must crawl out of the cave, you call your bedroom, and meet with the person face to face.

I would like to make a new friend. I miss the process of getting to know someone. I need to get out of my shell and show the world ME! Cameron Dean Moss. I need to work on not being so shy and try not to shutdown when uncomfortable. Embrace the awkwardness. I love talking and being around unique and kind of socially awkward people! I have been setting up the equipment for the school's orientations and I want to be able to just approach someone and say HI! Introduce myself to the people that I find interesting. I applied to be an Orientation Leader, but never got an interview. How do I connect when I am never given the chance?

This blog is really good about motivating me to do what I want to do! Not be pushed around by anything or anyone. Thank you blogger.

Happiness is ...........?

My life has been so clear in the past. A lover's past. I gotta keep telling myself this is what I wanted. You made the decision to do this. Stay positive. It's only been a rough couple of days. Much worse happens to others. I found that out today. This blog is a great thing to have. I can talk and think out things before anyone has time to criticize. Keeps me confident that I am doing what is best for ME. I have been content with my life up until recently. I envy those people who have a path, know what they want. I read a blog today about the metaphor of being a Padowan and learning, growing into a Jedi. Sounds stupid, but it hit really close to my heart. I owe thanks to the person who wrote that blog. It made me realize that my problems are so petty and complaining about them is ridiculous. I am a Padowan on the path to becoming a Jedi. At least I am on the path now. There is hope. Music gives me hope. Taking all my frustrations out on the coated batter skin head of a drum. Petty problems don't mean as much. Almost crying while playing the bridge of a very meaningful song. That fuzzy feeling you get when all the pieces fit together for once in your life. My goals are to get back into a band, practice a lot more, and start singing. What is there to be afraid of anymore? You have gotten to the low, now just let go and you will be free. My brother said something to me that meant a lot. He said, "If it hurts, then it was worth having it." I need to grow in positive ways from what I have learned over the past year and six months. "Life hurts and you cry, and then you die" I want to break out of my shell! I will break out of my shell! I am the only one holding myself back. My life is pretty good.

Summer 2010

Summer is finally here! Spending it in the City of Cedars this year and enjoying it so far. Weather has been prime. Sunny skies and overall pretty good weather. At the moment, I am sitting in my girlfriend's kitchen writing this post trying to figure out what I should write about. She is cooking ravioli and I am tempted by someone's cup of something that is sitting next to her lap top. It is almost an impulse to grab for a drink to gather my thoughts and decide what to say. As for my schedule this summer, I am working early in the mornings and hanging out with my girlfreng for the rest of the days mostly. Still looking for another part time job to sustain me through the summer months and into the next school year. Here is an average day for me; I set my alarm for 6:10 am and receive a wake up call from Joey's phone (the Droid has revolutionized waking up) I jump out of bed and throw some clothes on and bike to work. It is only like a five minute walk, but I enjoy the cool morning air. I need something to sort of wake me up. I get to work and clean the bathrooms in the education building for about two hours and then find random things for two more hours. I bike back to my apartment and try to find something to eat before I shower or figure out what my day will consist of. As far as meals go, my girlfriend is the best cook and chef ever! She feeds me basically every meal and I am lovin' it (ba da bop ba baaa). I spend most of the rest of the days with Joey and trying to get stuff done that needs to get done that day. She rides her horses for about three hours everyday and that is where I am stumped. I gotta find a second part time job so I can do something productive with my day rather than just sitting around. I bike a lot around Cedar City and that is not bad at all. This will probably be my same schedule for a while and I am completely fine with that! Well good on ya'll for reading this if that is anybody at all! Have a great day cause I know I will!

Draggin' it out!

Hello cruel world! ha! Its been a little while since I have last written on this! Life is gooood, life is great, life is wonderful! Just draggin' through school right now at SUU, Cedar City, Utah. Not really sure what this blog is exactly about, but I thought I would write in here! haha! so this is what I am doing? Sheesh ya'll twas a dream! What? what? Life has kinda been all over the place lately! You know the feeling when you want to keep things interesting so you try and be all spontaneous, but you get tired of being so random! People start wondering when you will slow down, but I am only 19 years old, life is just gaining momentum! college! Is there ever a person who doesn't do something awesome within their college career? I want to go to Finland or Sweden to do a study abroad, but at the same time I really want to take a break from the routine of college. Life can't be planned out too far ahead, right? Gotta live a little! Never grow up too fast! There are certain aspects that one can grow up faster in than others, but you gotta be able to take a joke! college!
Any way I will ska-daddle now! Quit the chit chat Chet!
Peace!

The Descriptive

I have recently started playing drumset for Spencer Relyea in his band called The Descriptive. The band is really fun to play in and I get along well with the band members. This includes Spencer Relyea, Thatcher Glalitlli (butchered your last name ha!), and Ryan Relyea! Love these kids! I am mainly a drummer and I like being told what to play so this band is perfect! Spenny has also allowed us to do back up vocals and harmonies which has been really awesome so far! I have never been able to write complete, full music so its nice to have someone who has already done that and we are privileged to play his songs! Just keeping ya updated! Check him out on myspace.com/thedescriptive, facebook! ha!

Cycling: What a relief!

I started seriously biking in high school. My first bicycle that I bought and fixed up was a girl's road bicycle from the local Deseret Industries. It was pink that faded to seafoam green from the rear of the bicycle to the front. I rode that thing everywhere! The second bicycle I had was also from DI. It was a Huffy Mountain Bicycle that was bright yellow. I bought new tires and tubes for it (from Wal-Mart, cause you gotta stay cheap when you are trying to live a sustainable life) and rode it for a while. A couple months after I purchased it, I decided to convert it into a fixed gear bicycle. My friend, Tom, was the only person who I had ever seen riding a fixed gear and it seemed very hard, but I thought it was worth a try. I visited Biker's Edge bicycle shop and purchased a rear 16 tooth cog and had them put it on the rear wheel. This required the removal of the cassette cog and the attachment of the 16 tooth cog with a lockring to keep it on. While at the bicycle shop every employee there asked me some question about my bicycle and I had no clue! I have ridden bicycles for a while, but up until the point where I switched to fixed gear (this day is what made up my mind) I knew nothing about the workings of a road bicycle. My reasons for switching to fixed gear: 1) I love the simplicity! 2) I can fix my bicycle all by myself, without having to go to a bicycle shop and being made a fool because I don't know where some part goes or what not. 3) Makes riding a road bicycle so much more fun allowing for track stands, skids, and attempting wheelies! I am riding a 54 cm fixed/single speed bicycle with a flip flop hub and have been riding it for almost six months now.

Now just wish I had this: